Girl, we are all confused!
Charli xcx & Lorde's vulnerability reminds me of my own imposter syndrome.
Before you get in too deep, this isn’t a review on “The girl, so confusing version with lorde” remix by Charli xcx. We all know it’s amazing and may have even shed a tear or two in solidarity with #girlhood. Sometimes when I think about modern pop music, I’m utterly disgusted with the repetitive lyrics, bouncy bubblegum beats and headache-inducing whiny singing, and I’m so glad I hopped on the Charli xcx train because this is not that!
First, I want to say shout out to Charli xcx for being so extremely vulnerable by addressing what has become such a public issue head on - beef with a rival singer (who happens to share a likeness with the Ms. 360_brat). Confrontation can be scary. It’s weird. And it’s unpredictable. However, when she bridged that gap by inviting Lorde to not only respond in front of her audience, but on the song in question, an iconic, unforgettable exchange of power was made.
The hook of the song that’s also found in the original version of “girl, so confusing” is “Girl, it's so confusing sometimes to be a girl” which already speaks volumes. I think a lot of times us women (aka former, and forever, “girls”) receive a heaping dose of doubt that can manifest in many different ways. For me, it’s imposter syndrome. The idea that I’m just pretending, that I’m not qualified, or that I’ll never amount to anything haunts me day and night. While this seems to appear for Charli xcx and Lorde in the form of a peer rivalry, much of those same feelings can be relatable to any girl. After all, we are our own worst critics.
Charli xcx continues with “…Yeah, I don't know if you like me/Sometimes I think you might hate me/Sometimes I think I might hate you/Maybe you just wanna be me” showing that her thoughts about Lorde circulate in her brain. Further in Lorde’s verse she responds, “I was so lost in my head/And scared to be in your pictures/'Cause for the last couple years/I've been at war with my body/I tried to starve myself thinner/And then I gained all the weight back/I was trapped in the hatred” which is arguably one of the most powerful verses on this track.
Both women represent all girls everywhere, including 17-year-old me, 20-year-old me, and now 24-year-old me. There’s all this negativity we’re taught to carry with us and it feels like a weight pulling us through the floor. We’ll never be this, never be that, etc etc the list goes on. And I find myself placing unfair blame on myself for things I’ve been too scared to confront or attempt. This track is a sobering reminder that we’re not alone in our thoughts and feelings, and we’ll never be alone in girlhood. Whether you’re fighting it out with your own mental health, a rival who happens to share a space and likeness with you, or outside influences telling you to give up, pick up your feet, keep going, and work it out on the remix.